GENERALLY...

So, its full-on Delhi summer and am lying down casually, which is very unusual for me -especially at this time, especially on a Monday coz I'm mostly acting out the robot that takes over me for most of my time, taking me through the same drudgery, day in and day out.
Thank god, time took mercy on me and shooed the robot away for a few days to make me feel and look human again :).
Now, I could begin to describe the amazing holiday I had, or what all I did and how much I splurged or the things I've been doing with family, but this break was more about the break itself. It really wasn't about what all I did, but about what all I did NOT have to do. I remember how as a kid I used to excel at wasting and whiling away my time - I never understood its value; growing up just brought in the opposite - I'm always running against time, never having enough of it! I think time understood the strain this was causing our relationship and therefore just gave me enough of it to savor and relish - with no room for wastage nor the craving for more :).
As I'm still occupied with concerns for the future, anticipating the wind of big changes to be blowing soon over me, as also looking back at what I've done right and what I could do better, NOTHING could be more perfect than this moment of stillness, equidistant from both. I know how much I've contemplated 'working', 'performing', DOING as against NOT DOING ANYTHING and how I feel perfectly balanced between both.
Life will still go on taking me through succeeding and faltering but I know that I cant hold on too tight as time only moves forward and is generous enough to let me take moments like these to shed all the weight, make idle talk and just say it...you know...generally :)

BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT!

Alritey, I’ve done the unusual, if not the impossible – quit Facebook and man, it feels FREE to NOT jam my head with what the heck is going on around me! Now I can give myself some long due attention:). I’ve been thinking of blogging more often and thought I would choose something specific to write on, but since I’ve whiled the day away reading and doing precious nothing (little luxuries I steal sometimes :P), I might as well just say a Hi and connect since this is all the connectivity I have right now!

OK, so since this post is going to be about general stuff, let me start off with the book I’m reading – Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho. Now I have read this book earlier – maybe five years back, and thought I understood it, which made me laugh now, coz I still don’t comprehend a lot of it – at least I’m unable to find THE thread or maybe it just needs slow reading like a lot of Paulo Coelho’s. But I do find the dissection of love and sex extremely fascinating and its association with suffering and the subsequent freedom from it. I feel it’s true – we do live our lives being slaves to pleasure and that is suffering itself. Pain and pleasure, with experience, I’ve realized are just alternate ways of knowing yourself and extremely vital in attaining freedom from yourself. Gee, that sounds really intellectual, very similar to what I read in the sacred Geeta long back, which I thought I understood but could not relate. And I like what we are discussing; maybe I should always keep it spontaneous! Anyway, so coming back, well yea, at the cost of sounding pseudo-intellectual, I can dare to claim that I DO understand the relationship between pain and pleasure and CAN relate. Wow, NOT easy for sure, but honestly, quite, quite liberating, coz there’s nothing like being freed from dependence. It’s high time anyway!
And should I bring up the clash between negative and positive energy here, which I have been thinking about for some time now, having constantly been surrounded by negative energy and re-adjusting my stance towards it – using defiance, challenge, acceptance and finally ignorance to maintain my own positivity against it - another parallel I can draw from the book, which talked about deriving positivity from negative experiences, from turning pain into pleasure. It takes a LOT and by that, I mean a LOT to concentrate on the good and ignore the bad, especially for a super-sensitive person like me, but I feel I haven’t been doing too badly:). There honestly is SO much good to enjoy, it really is a waste of time complaining! So it’s alright to ignore the irritating customer and keep smiling because the smile is way more gorgeous (a lot of men will vouch for that as well :P). It’s like I can finally BREATHE, after months and months of confronting my ugly demons and finally letting them all out and knowing that it’s all OK, really! Not everything and everyone deserves a reaction. Well, this is not to say that I’ve ‘got it all’ and have attained nirvana in the normal course of my life :P, but I’m far less bothered:).
The weather has been harsh to me lately but I have regained my health and even completed a year at Burberry – a feat I really didn’t think I was up to! True, that I’m way more qualified professionally and have a creative mind as well but certainly not more creative than life itself which I’m not fighting anymore and becoming very friendly with :).
I’m HAPPY and that’s saying a LOT!
Cheers :)

STILL WALKING

I am coming here after so, so long - minus so much baggage that had been weighing me down for what seemed like an eternity! Feel kinda empty but stronger than ever :); finally mustered the time and will to express myself, instead of letting it all get lost in translation. Honestly, am scared too, of the unforeseen changes that are taking place in my life and inside me, and much as I fought for stability and settlement, change is the only constant in my life right now, so much so that I have actually started looking forward to it instead of resisting it with all my might! My life was in the stasis for long but that could not stop the transition that I made from fear to freedom. Yes, I have gone farther than I used to dream of going and the adventure has just begun. I say, bring it on!

EAT, SLEEP, LOVE...in whatever order ;)

I love, I love, I love...HaHa...that's all that comes to my mind when I think of writing something! Its the festive season plus birthday time plus winter time plus just...the air smells so sweet at this time of the year! I'm travelling to my hometown next month after long :) and the bright, sunny days are such a warm break from the wet, damp pothole this city had become these past few months! Its time to grab the ginger-tea cuppas! OK, to be honest, my room's quite a mess and I need to re-arrange my wardrobe and get a few things done but it's so daunting right now to even think of moving my comfortable butt from this comfortable couch :P.

I read 'Eat,Pray,Love' recently and LOVED it - like millions have and I happened to love the sequel too, which I'm sure many, especially the unmarried couldn't get through! Anyway, I've decided to give the movie a miss for now until the Julia Roberts factor drags me tho the theater despite the reviews. I loved 'The Town' though - very gripping! My birthday was quite sweet and I haven't had enough of stuffing myself with the simply mmmmmming cake (it's still there in the fridge...thank god!). I need to be distracted now...away from the million temptations to pretending that I don't need them. And yea, how can I forget to mention the bliss that sleeping is these days and I cant think of a better way of spending a chutti :) . India has won like a hundred medals and the commonwealth closing ceremony has just begun so maybe I can get engaged there while a tiny voice keeps reminding me of my messy room ;).

Hope everyone's loving it,
xx

GETTING THERE.

It looks like another perfect chutti - with the rains washing down the green, visible from the balcony, quite stalling the plans for the day; not that I had many; not that I mind coz I could use all the forced rest ahead of the marathon day tomorrow beginning at 10, ending around midnight (I have actually become quite immune to such things now and my mantra for dealing with them is to NOT mull over them).

Actually, why not talk about my gorgeous, delicious trip to Mauritius some days ago, which I'm still not over, having been completely heartened by the beauty, people, hospitality and the romance of it all. It was SUCH a welcome break from the HELL Delhi has become nowadays, as I was reminded of the simple things that one can be happy with - makes me feel so sad for people like us, living in such places where we live to battle, not to relish. The simplicity and warmth of the people there simply won us over, so sad were we to return to this daily grind! Something HAS changed since then, something that had been changing slowly but surely, of which I wasn't so aware, given how fast time seems to run in my confused, glamorous, superficial, urban world. I had actually even begun to relish eating, given the monotony with which I seem to go about this daily chore.

My imagination can't stop escaping as my footsteps are held in check, only for the time being though, as I smirk. The more I know what I want, the more I yearn for it. Questions, answers and results continue as I rise up the levels, surer and surer. Having grown much more comfortable with my darker side, I find less to fear and more to embrace.I know that the universe is watching me closely as I change avatars.

I'm sure it will love to tell the story some so-called times later.

A RAINY DAY

Its raining like crazy...poring madly while I already have sipped my green tea ( yea, I am making a trip to Mauritius next month so you know lol) and finding it hard to move my butt even an inch from the cozy bed. Back in childhood, this would have been a happy rainy day at school where I would open up my lunchbox at home itself, still in uniform, gloating at the 'chutti'. Such 'rainy days' are hard to come by now...and I'll have to be out on the roads soon, battling the Delhi traffic crumbling in this weather. Isn't this the perfect day to skip a shower, cozy up in a blanket, switch on the TV and have hot samosas and pakoras (Its ok, I'm just dreaming about it :P).

Anyway, its time to snap out of it, take a shower and drag myself to a place which will hopefully see fewer walk-ins and leaves much room for our regular refreshment intervals (its tiring to keep standing ok!) which is certainly very uplifting and takes away some of the guilt too :P. So, here's readying to face the traffic-y roads. Cya guys!

OF DREAMS AND TOTEMS

I happened to watch Inception recently, and what with my tiring work hours and some pretty sloppy releases I had watched of late, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to watch a demanding movie at about 11 in the night, but gave in to hubby's pestering coz he's such a movie buff and my work leaves us with late hours mostly! Anyway, I had happily planned to dose off during the movie but ha ha, that wasn't to be! Now, one, the movie was on my favorite subject - tapping the sub-conscious and two, it's a brilliantly conceptualized movie, crafted to near perfection (let's ignore the minor glitches coz of the sheer brilliance of the movie for now), which I thoroughly enjoyed and definitely gave a second watch. Now when I write this, I don't mean to go rattling about how great the movie was, but the basic premise which even before the movie came up, had been bothering me a bit - that of 'dreams versus reality'.

Now I'm a very dreamy person, who's been administered healthy doses of reality now and then by life, which i have managed to not only survive but also turned around to support my dreams :P! So, essentially I live in belief and hope and dreams, trying to find my way ahead. I've always held that we become what we feed our minds and that is absolutely in our hands to decide; maybe that's why I prefer not to hear/read about murders, crimes, violence and anything that has a gruesome, depressing side to it. I mean I know sad things happen, but why burden myself with them? Instead I choose to read/hear about inspiration and happiness and success and the like. I particularly hate the 'reality' movies which depict things as they are - I mean don't we all know how things are? Why waste that time mulling over it when we could be watching something funny or inspiring! That's why I can't help but notice the difference when a lot of people smirk all-knowingly at the depiction of reality - yes, it is how it is, but what about what CAN be? Isn't our reality in our own hands, in our own minds? Isn't it worth spending that precious hour on, trying to make it happen, instead of giving into circumstances and filling our own plus others' lives with needless cynicism? After all, we become what we believe.

Reality and dreams are just two different sides of the same coin, where what is yesterday's dream can become today's reality and vice-verse. Just coz we haven't gone beyond what we see doesn't mean it isn't there. It's right there, in our sub-conscious and largely, in the collective unconscious, which makes this world such a wonderful place to be in!

Yes, I know how things are. And I can't over-emphasize the number of times I have accepted; I still do. But I haven't really let that be the end of my world, coz where one ends, the next begins...and no, I don't need a totem to tell me the difference :P